Blog Archives
Who’s the real boss?
A business tycoon passed away.
He left his widow 1 Billion pounds in the bank. The widow remarried one of her husband’s young employees.
The young employee said, “All this while I thought I was working for my boss. I now realize that my boss was all the time working for me!”
3 week diet plan
A man says to his friend, “My wife is on a 3 week diet.”
“Oh yeah? How much has she lost so far?” asks his pal.
He replies, “Two weeks.”
If your mom was drunk
A little boy boards a public bus and sits down right behind the driver.
He begins to speak, “If my mom was a cow and my dad was a bull, I’d be a little calf. If my mom was a hen and my dad was a chicken, I’d be a little chick. If my mom was a deer and my dad was a buck, I’d be a little deer. If my mom was a duck and my dad was a goose, I ‘d be a little duckling”.
After listen to the boy rambling on and on in the same manner for a while, the bus driver begins to get annoyed.
He turns around and says to the boy: “What if your mom was a drunk and your dad was a bum?”
In an instant, the boy responds, “I’d be a bus driver.”
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SUGGESTED READING:
Socks and the Breath
On the first night of their honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up.
After some soul-searching, the husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”
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SUGGESTED READING:
Rich Aspirations
A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.
Catholic: “I have a large fortune… I am going to buy Citibank!”
Protestant: “I am very wealthy and will buy General Motors!”
Muslim: “I am a fabulously rich prince… I intend to purchase Microsoft!”
They all wait for the Jew to speak…
The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says: “I’m not selling!!”
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SUGGESTED READING:
Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars – 5
Today morning, I woke up my wife and asked her:
“Honey would you like to join me for yoga?”
She: “Ohh…. So you mean to say I am fat?”
Me: “No. Yoga is good for health.”
She: “You mean I am sick then?”
Me: “No. No honey. Its ok. If you don’t want to get up, its ok”
She: “So now you think I am lazy, huh?”
Me: “No… you are misunderstanding me. I didn’t mean to ….. “
She: “… Aha !! So I don’t understand you now, right?”
Me: “Honey, Please don’t stretch it in the morning.”
She: “Oh yeah… So I am now a quarrelsome lady, right?”
Me: “Alright! It’s better that I also don’t go for yoga.”
She: “See? You never wanted to go. Just wanted to blame me..”
Me: “Ok Ok… you go off to sleep. I will go alone then, happy?”
She: “You always go alone everywhere and enjoy by yourself”
Me: “Please .. Please… I’m feeling giddy now.”
She: “Oh? You are so selfish. Always think of yourself only. Never think of my health.”
I’m still sitting and thinking where I went wrong ????
Perhaps, I shouldn’t wake up my wife early in the morning.
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SUGGESTED READING:
The Conference Lecturer
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is Scotsmen who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Irish”.
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto McTavish but my friends call me Paddy”.
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SUGGESTED READING:
Dirty pictures
A man goes to a psychiatrist and tells him, “Doc, I think I have an obsession with sex.” The doctor agrees to examine him and begins by showing various drawings. First the doctor draws a square and asks the man to identify if. The man immediately says, “OMG! Four people having sex!!”
Next the doctor draws a circle and the man says, “One man having sex.”
Thirdly, the doctor draws a triangle and the man immediately identifies it as “two woman and one man having sex”.
The doctor finally pushes the drawing aside and says to the patient, “Yes, I now believe that you have an obsession with sex.”
To which the man replies, “ME???? You’re the one drawing all those dirty pictures!”
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SUGGESTED READING:
pumpkintalks 